“The Bachelor” and the very sad side of dating

“How could he be so cruel and heartless”, “What a game-playing jerk” were just a few reactions to the latest episode of the hit reality show “The Bachelor”.  In the last show, the young gentleman, who is the bachelor, proposed to a young woman, who appeared to have won his heart over several other very viable contestants. Shortly after that proposal and out of nowhere, the happiness and joy that woman must have experienced turned to heartache and tears. He changed his mind and dumped her. Instead, he ran off with some other contestant. I think so many of us so-called normal people can relate to exactly what this woman went through. It is perhaps the most painful thing about dating; the process of having your heart broken suddenly and without any warning. So many promises and memories of you guys together, then suddenly those dreams of a future together are gone by one single phone call or meeting.

As bad as it may seem, I do not feel totally distraught for this young woman. “The Bachelor” is a show dealing with breaking hearts and dreams of many people all of the time. How can anyone be serious about finding their true on that show? The guys who get picked as the bachelor are not exactly those one woman guys are in it for a commitment. Who are they trying to fool? All of these guys are players, pure and simple! I would like to know how many of these so-called romances between these contestants even last more than a year. Furthermore, if a marriage results from this show, how long does it last? I have my serious doubts.

Fortunately for the young woman who was dumped, she was named as “The Bachelorette” in the next series and rightly so. Now she will have a number of very good-looking eligible bachelor chasing her. And somehow I do not think will have any problems meeting some very desirable guy since she seems to a dream gal for many guys. Heck, I dream to have a woman like that! I am sure the disappointment that she experienced will long be forgotten very shortly.

I have often found in my own life experiences that karma often happens in the world of dating. Eventually those who play games and are dishonest get their just rewards. What goes around often comes around. Who knows, this bachelor may end up getting dumped and have his heart broken down the road as well. For those who get dumped and are heartbroken, just remember that in dating, when one door is closed and another one will open. The young woman who was inexplicably rejected might someday view this latest episode as a blessing in disguise for more reasons than one.


The best gift on Valentine’s Day is free

Well it is that time of the year when many guys are filled with a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and you cannot escape the constant non-stop advertisements for that day. Everything from chocolates, jewelry, flowers and pajamas are gifts suggested for that desperate guy who is trying to score for some major brownie points for that special gal. As someone who is currently single and has been through all of this before, let me offer some advice, please be creative with the gifts and also do not forgot another gift that will leave a bigger impact on her than all of these gifts combined.  It is free and simply comes from your mouth. No I am not talking about some deep and passionate French kiss. I am talking about the words that you say to your sweetheart. Never underestimate how important they are to win her heart.

Don’t get me wrong, buying your lover a special gift on Valentine’s Day is very important. Women love to be pleasantly surprised with a well thought out gift. But it does not mean anything if you turn around the next day and speak to her in a very condescending manner about some issue. Or tell her how dumb she is for not following instructions on how to do her taxes. Perhaps you mockingly joke about her putting on a few pounds. It might sound funny to you, but to her, it is not and very hurtful. Those harmful words can pretty much eliminate any brownie points you may have garnered from buying her a nice gift.

On the other hand, a huge compliment will go a long ways in capturing her heart forever. On Valentine’s Day, make a huge effort to say something to her that will totally floor her. Maybe she is really big into volunteering at a local homeless shelter. Tell her what a huge heart she has. Or maybe she has a unique sense of humor that you cannot get enough of. Tell her that and make it known how important that is to you. Tell her that she often brightens your day with her humor. Or maybe her smile melts you. She will feel so special and important if you mention these things.

I know these things seem to be very simple things to think about in a relationship, but it is amazing how many guys neglect how important the words they say or not say. Building up your sweetie with compliments and kind words are lasting impressions, much more so than that same old box of chocolates. Never underestimate the value of what comes out of your mouth and your tongue. A kind compliment from you might be the most meaningful thing she will receive this Valentine’s Day. And it will not cost you anything! In fact, why not make it a point to compliment her everyday, not just Valentine’s Day?

A great time to get engaged

So you and your gal have been dating for a while and there is no doubt in your mind that you want to spend the rest of your life with her. You guys are madly in love and now is the time to pop the question. Wouldn’t it be great to do it during the Christmas season and create a Christmas memory that would never be forgotten by either of you?

I don’t know what other people think, but I regard the Christmas season to be a very romantic time of the year. I really cannot point to why it is so romantic; maybe many of the Christmas activities enhance those romantic feelings like driving around town with your sweetheart and looking at the beautiful lights or holding hands during a nice quiet walk at night with the snow gently falling down. It is a very festive season and those romantic feelings really come out in people. A proposal will only add to those feelings between you and your special love.

I know many guys including myself would never do this, but here is a great idea for proposing to your gal. I know many guys have to spend Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with her family. There will probably be a time when everyone gathers together to open gifts. Perhaps there are a few gifts from you that you want her to open first. Let that happen then after everyone is done unwrapping the gifts, announce to everyone that there is one more gift to open. The excitement in the room starts to build; what could this be? You pull out the ring, grab her hand and propose in front of her family. I cannot imagine a better Christmas memory than that one. Of course if she is really shy, that might not be such a great idea of putting her on the spot.

If I were to ever propose to someone, I would want it to be during a very special time for both of us. Doing what I just suggested would be Christmas memory of all time, not only for you guys, but for her family as well. Perhaps she grew up in that home and the proposal would only add to many memories of that home. I want to wish all guys who are thinking about popping the question this Christmas season the best of luck and congratulations.


Dating a fan of a rival team

So you met the girl of your dreams through a dating site and things are going really well between the two of you. She is everything that you look for in a woman. She is very beautiful, smart, kind, thoughtful, funny and you just cannot get enough of her. Then you discover something about her that totally breaks your heart. No, she does not have other boyfriends or she is actually married. She is a fan of a rival team that you cannot stand. For instance, she is a big Auburn fan and you are an Alabama fan. Or you love the Minnesota Vikings and she loves the Green Bay Packers. Now what? Is the relationship over? Can you marry someone who is loyal to such an evil team? There must be someone seriously wrong with this love of my life!

Believe it or not, this dilemma takes place more than you think. I live in an area that has a couple of professional football teams just 4 hours away from each other, the Minnesota Vikings and the Green Bay Packers. There are plenty of people living in my area who love one of the teams and hate the other. I personally know a few people who would never date a Packer fan. Yes, I know, that is being rather shallow. On the other hand, there are many married couples in this area where the guy in a Viking fan and the gal is a Packer fan or vice versa. I can only imagine what it would be like in their households on game day.

Can a couple of hardcore fans of rival teams co-exist in a relationship? Well of course. But you have to be very tactful in dealing with your partner and some people have this gift and others do not. For instance, suppose your team just beat her team on a last second touchdown. Immediately after the score, you get right into her face and taunt knowing it would greatly upset her. I don’t consider that a very proper way of handling a sensitive moment, in fact, it might show bad signs on your part of being insensitive. In my opinion, you should leave the taunting until well after the game is finished. Let things cool down a bit before you engage in some so-called good natured ribbing. Just a word of wisdom to you ladies out there. Please approach your man with extreme caution in delivering some gloating. Men take losses a little harder.

Probably the best way to handle a situation of dating a rival fan is having a good sense of humor about it. For instance, make a little wager. If your team wins, she has to wear your team’s apparel for a day around the house or better yet, she has to appear in a picture on Facebook wearing your team’s jersey. Or vise versa. Have some fun with the rivalry. After all, it is just a game. There are far more concerning differences to have in a relationship. And who knows, maybe she will come over from the dark side and eventually show allegiance to your team!

Being married to yourself

I recently had a very interesting conversation with a good friend of mine concerning his new adventures with being single. After experiencing the heartbreak of going through a divorce, my friend decided it was time to get back into the dating scene and perhaps meet another special lady who will be a better fit for him. I asked him how things were going with his online singles site and he gave me a very fascinating response; “You know Mark, I was assuming that this site consisted of all single people, but instead, many of the ladies are married.” Huh? How can that be? Why would a singles site have a bunch of married people? I know it happens on occasion that some disgruntled still married individual will use a dating site to find an escape to an unhappy marriage, but is it really true there are that many? “Well Mark, so many are married to themselves” Oh I get it! And he hit it right on the head. Sometimes you have to wonder how serious some of these members are about meeting that someone special. A heavy challenge that people who sign up for these sites face is weeding out those who are basically married to themselves.

Normally if a person is said to be married, they have a union with a member of the opposite sex. There is some crazy new thing called sologamy which is indeed being married to yourself, but for the time being, lets talk about why some people are actually married to themselves without really being aware of it.

I have experienced the dating scene myself and I know exactly what my friend is talking about. When I meet someone for the first time, I wonder in my mind about how serious they are to really get to know me. One of my last dates was a prime example. Her lifestyle seemed to be perfect. She had a good job, lots of good friends and hobbies, and her schedule was always filled with fun. She appeared to really be married to her life. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but exactly where do I fit in if we happened to develop a relationship. Would that perfect lifestyle which she seems adore but affected by having me suddenly be a part of it?

I have to admit that how my life would be affected came up as well. I must confess that I am somewhat married to myself and my life as well. Would I have enough free time to go golfing on the weekends or spend time at the lake during the summers if we became a couple. What would she think about my lifestyle and what would I have to give up? I love my freedom as single, but somehow, I keep thinking in the back of my head that freedom will suddenly disappear if I get involved in a relationship.

Most people who join dating sites are aware of these or how attached or once again married to themselves and their lives. Going from being single to in a relationship can be a rather huge adjustment. Maybe you just want to chill on a Saturday after a long work week. Instead, you are forced to travel many miles to see her family who are people who you find rather annoying. Or maybe you will be forced to missed that important ball game because your partner wants to go see her niece in some play at the theater.

Most relationship experts would probably agree with 100 percent. In order to have a fulfilling and satisfying relationship with someone, you must first get a divorce. And that would be from yourself. Sometimes I wonder how many single people on those many dating sites are actually willing to get that divorce and get married the proper way as a union with someone else. The longer you are single, the harder that divorce from yourself might be. But in the long run, it might be well worth it.

Life’s biggest mistakes

Many young people will be graduating this month or next month from college and high school and the common theme that I hear at these commencement ceremonies are words of advice for the future. For example, many speakers talk about following your dreams, don’t let anyone tell you that you care not capable of something and so forth. These words of advice are great, but if I had to give some young person some words of advice, one of the first things that I would mention is something that does not seem related, but plays a huge role in your future. That is picking your friends especially who you will eventually settle down with and get married. It is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make and one that many people make huge mistakes in doing so.

When a young person graduates, settling into a good career is not necessarily a top priority. Many want to settle down and get married and have a family. They see their friends getting married and want the same thing. I know women who seem to be obsessed with having children right away after finishing school. They want more than anything to fall in love, get married and have children. There is nothing wrong with that except why rush into things? Especially with the wrong person.

That good-looking guy who you have been dating may appear to be the man of your dreams, Never mind the fact that he is a borderline alcoholic. That will change when he gets married. Sadly, it probably will not and Mr. Prince Charming may be your biggest mistake ever who affects you for the rest of your life. He is a thorn in your side that will never go away. You will have a lifetime of hate and bitterness towards him. Many young adults are blinded by who people really are and fail to understand the consequences of carrying out a relationship with them.

I know many want to have children right way after they finish school, but do you really want to be tied down with that awesome responsible? I have seen many women have limited career opportunities because they wanted to have children instead.  In addition, having children with the wrong person can lead to so many hassles and custody fights. It not only affects you but your children as well. Life is way too short to go through that crap. I would strongly urge people to wait and determine if that person is totally right before you have children together. Sometimes, that may mean waiting until you are about 30 years old.

Looking back at my life, some of my biggest mistakes have been with members of the opposite sex. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I was dating so and so. I often wonder what would have happened if I married one of my exes. What would life be like? Chances are it would be a living hell with a few of them. Back then, I was terrible young and naive about things in life.

I don’t want this post to sound too much like a lecture and I certainly feel most people are smart enough to make their own personal decisions about who they will get involved with. Unfortunately, many young people are influenced by what their friends are doing. Others are downright lonely in life and having a partner seems like a great cure for those ills. When you look back at your life some 30 years later, you may wish that you had the foresight to break up with that charming guy who you knew was not totally right for you. Something was not right. If you are a young adult, just remember that there are plenty of fish in the pond to go fishing in search of that special person. You cannot afford to make that kind of mistake and ruin the rest of your life with bitterness and unhappiness.

What goes around often comes around in dating/relationships

Several years ago, singer Justin Timberlake came out with a song called “What goes around, comes around”.  The lyrics of this great song hold so true in dating and relationships. When you mistreat someone in a relationship and it ends badly, it often comes back to haunt you. Believe me, it has happened to me.

Relationships are indeed extremely scary to get involved in. You meet someone and you basically go by your gut instincts whether to continue with the relationship to possible marrying him or her, or you break things off. Often relationships end badly with one of the persons getting hurt. Perhaps you found the person of your dreams was cheating on you online and it is time to call it quits. You have this uncontrollable anger built up inside that is just ready to explode! You cannot accept the fact that someone you thought loved you, cheated on you and now has a new lover. It is not fair! My advice to anyone who is going through something like this is just be patient. That ex of yours will probably cheat on his or her new lover as well. Or maybe even better, they will cheat on your ex!

Funny, but it always seems to end up that way. People who feel the need to cheat and play games are often not the type to settle down with anyone. It is time for you to move on and find someone who is actually loyal to you and believe me, there are many out there. Life is way too short to harbor resentment towards someone. And do not and I mean, do not rule out the possibility that your ex may just come creeping back into the picture. It happens many times and when it does, you have a great chance to make them feel like dirt!

Shortly after I finished college, I was dating this gal who I adored and did everything possible to please her. I didn’t have a lot of money at the time, but I made sure I treated the best I could. One night, we went bowling with some friends and she ended up meeting some guy at the bar. I was jealous of course, but I have a policy of not interfering with my dates or woman’s social interactions. I had to leave early due to the fact that I had to work the next morning. She called me later that day and wanted to break up. Just like that, I was dumped unceremoniously. She explained that she wanted to date this guy and how he was so much better than I was. It was definitely the lowest point in my entire dating life. I felt like crap to say the least!

A few months later, I got a phone call from her one night. She told me that this guy was being mean and a total jerk to her. I actually gave her some advice to talk things out with her and perhaps they could patch things up. In the process, I did my best to disguise the glee that I felt! They eventually broke up and low and behold, guess who she wanted to date again? It was me! I told her that I was deeply hurt by what she did and it would take a lot of time to recover. She could not understand why I did not automatically want her back. I even mentioned that I had met other women and that made her extremely jealous. To this day, we remain good friends.

If you treat your partner very well and they run off with someone else, chances are they will eventually come running back to you. It always seems to happen that way. Karma does exist in love and relationships. Those who cheat eventually get their just due. And too be fair, I have also not been honest with some women myself and it seems that for every time I have not been honest with someone, a women turns around and has not been honest or truthful to me. Funny how that works! What goes around definitely comes around when you get hurt or hurt someone in a relationship. And maybe that is the way it should be!