Connecting with your ex again

One of the great things about social media sites such as Facebook is the ability to reconnect with many people from your past. It could be an old grade school buddy that you have not seen in 30 years. Or it could be some gal/guy who you dated in high school and have many fond memories of. Yes, just when you think that old girlfriend/boyfriend of yours has vanished out of your life, they reappear and it can be a rather pleasant or not so pleasant surprise that you have to deal with. Suppose you were dumped by that person in the past and ended up being very hurt. You still have strong feelings for that person, but you moved on and just recently, you found a new flame. Your new flame is nowhere near as special as that old lover of yours. What if that old special person wants to get together just as friends and have dinner or a drink after work? How do you handle a situation like that?

During the last few months, a couple of old girlfriends of mine contacted me via Facebook. One of them was a very recent girlfriend of mine from just a few years ago. Our relationship ended on rather bad terms and we had not talked since we broke up. Suddenly one night, I got an instant message from her on Facebook messenger. I nearly fell out of my chair! We chatted for a while and have continued to chat every so often since then. She initially talked about wanting to apologize for treating me poorly and how she has really grown up in the last few years. My respect for her completely changed after those conversations. I no longer have those bitter memories of our past. As much as I hated the way our relationship ended, I just wanted to talk to her sometime. That moment came very unexpectedly and who knows what might happen to us in the future. She lives many miles from me now but I just feel of sense of relief that we are on good terms again.

The other gal that I mentioned was from several years ago and our initial conversation was very similar. It was about patching things up. She is now married with children. I know many people feel this way, but isn’t it weird sometimes to think that you actually dated and had strong feelings for a person back then, but not anymore? I enjoyed chatting with my old flame but deep down, I was thinking to myself, “Why did I even fall for her?” It is just a classic example on how things change as you get older. I did not feel an ounce of jealously in the fact that she is married. I think a lot of folks can relate to what I am saying. Those old flames were hot back then but not so much now. Maybe your old ex has put on a lot of weight or lost a lot of hair and only look a fraction of what they used to. Or maybe they have really changed inside for the worst. You find out that they are getting treated for some mental illness or something of that nature. The thought comes to your mind that breaking up with them was actually a huge blessing in disguise in your life.

I think you always have to have an open mind when connecting again with some special person of the past. If the feelings are still strong after being apart for several years, maybe that is a sign that you guys are meant for each other. Remember too that people do change especially through their 20’s. Many times it is for the better. Both of you are now more mature and maybe things will work out this time around. Perhaps both of you have moved on and are married to other people. I don’t think it is totally wrong to become friends and chat or text occasionally although that is a delicate situation in itself. Far too many marriages have been ruined due to the so the called “ex factor” Suddenly those old feelings towards your end start to surface again and that usually leads to disaster.

Unfortunately for many people, it is far from easy to become friends with your ex. Those breakups and broken hearts can never be mended even after many years. Many folks want to get some kind of revenge on their ex and make their lives a living hell. Some try hard to break up their exes marriage or relationship due to extreme jealously. Others use Facebook and other social media sites as ways to stalk their exes.

Whenever I meet an old girlfriend from my past, I try to be as pleasant as possible no matter what has happened in the past. A warm hug or a pleasant online message can go a long way in healing a possible deep wound of the past. And who knows, maybe it is time to reignite that flame again. If not, you just might have a good friend of the opposite sex for the rest of your life.



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